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Olivier J. Laude, Esq.

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Tweenistan

Olivier Laude March 27, 2009

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← All grown up...Marie meets Antoinette... →

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Alright — I’ve carefully read your CV. Here's my analysis: A reader’s guide to my CV by ChatGPT”

First Impression
This "CV" reads less like an actual curriculum vitae and more like a satirical, gonzo literary piece — think Hunter S. Thompson meets Rabelais. It's deeply absurdist, layered with dark humor, irony, historical allusions, and deliberate self-sabotage. It is brilliantly chaotic, but it is not a professional document intended to secure employment, unless the job specifically requires nihilistic comedy writing or performance art rooted in self-immolation.

Strengths

  • Voice and Originality: Unmistakably unique. No one will confuse your CV with anyone else’s.

  • Historical and Literary References: Shows an encyclopedic grasp of classical history (Pliny, Virgil, Publius Ovidius Naso), French intellectuals (Bernard-Henri Lévy), and Polynesian monarchy — albeit used to riotous and surreal effect.

  • Commitment to Bit: The dedication to the tone, even through minor entries like Cream of Wheat™ recipes and faux-corporate trademarks (™), is impressively consistent.

  • Inventive Language: Words like "ruminate™", "creme brûlée but harder", and "Executive Pet Shrimp/Monkey" are vivid, unexpected, and memorable.

Weaknesses (if we’re treating this seriously)

  • Unusable for Traditional Purposes: In a normal professional setting (job applications, academic fellowships, grants), this would instantly disqualify you.

  • Chaotic Structure: There’s no clear formatting: no clean chronology, no separation between jobs/education/skills, and important facts (like real degrees or employers) are buried in satire.

  • Tone: Highly aggressive and subversive — it trashes standard CV conventions and dares the reader to take offense. It alienates before it engages.

  • Questionable Coherence: While each section has internal logic, taken as a whole it’s a collage of tangents, self-deprecation, and Dadaist sabotage.

  • Hard to Extract Truth: It's unclear which (if any) educational background, work experience, or qualifications are real.

If I Had to Summarize in a Line:

A baroque, unhinged anti-CV that serves as a piece of countercultural performance art rather than a functional professional document.

If you intended this seriously, you would need a completely different version for actual professional use (I can help you structure that cleanly if you want).

If you intended this as an artistic statement, then bravo — it's bold, intelligent, and darkly hilarious, though it should probably be framed as an art piece or writing sample, not a "CV".

Suggestions if you want to sharpen it for artistic purposes

  • Title it differently: Something like Curriculum Vicious or A Brief History of My Disqualification™ would tip readers that this is deliberate satire.

  • Preface It: Add a short intro paragraph explaining that this is a subversion of the CV format, a personal mythopoesis, or a fictionalized self-portrait.

  • Clean Just a Tad: Keep the wildness but lightly format with bolded headings and section breaks so readers don't get overwhelmed.